ET Phone Home?
So this lady from D.C. came to Fogo yesterday (along with my CD and APCD) because Peace Corps is doing some sort of review of the program in Cape Verde. We're talking and she turns to me and says ''So, why did you join the Peace Corps?'' and I respond ''You know, that is a question I have been asking myself everyday.'' So, really, if any of you out there remember why it is that I signed up for PC, please let me know, since I seem to have misplaced my reasoning somewhere.
But really, despite the fact that on most days, I think about ET'ing when I get up, when I go to work, when I go back home, when I am sitting around and when I go to bed, I've also made the decision that I am going to stick it out until at least IST. From what I've been able to gather, all of these thoughts and emotions I'm having are par for the course for some people when arriving at site. There is just always that gap between knowing something and feeling it (more on that below). But yeah, I know it's really too soon to tell how my time is going to be here, and that I shouldn't judge my next two years based on my previous week.
I remember one day in PST talking with Sugarlips (have I already told this story?), about how embarrassed I would be to ET during Training, or anytime before my first year at site. My view on that has now radically changed and if I ever did ET, it's not the embarrassment, but the misery that would get to me. There was this show on CTV last night from the U.S., and it was able these people in upstate NY who wind sail on frozen lakes. Is that I have to look forward to if I went back?
I actually learned a lot about boredom and things that I generally consider to be culturally superfluous, during PST in Sao Dao when the power was out. Cause it can get BORING. In ways almost unexplainable. I understand how filling the time with stuff, be it crappy TV or pointless pursuits, is better than sitting around doing nothing. This is one of those things I appreciated on an intellectual level, but it really hit home once I experienced it.
As a random side note, I've always separated the idea of being able to intellectually understand/comprehend something, and being able to comprehend/understand something through experience. In my mind, they are separate, but equal ways of gaining knowledge of the world. But now, I'm starting to wonder if experience has a slight edge over the intellectual understanding/comprehending. When I was applying to PC, I
had all these romantic notions about what this kind of lifestyle would be, and how I would handle it and adapt to it. I remember meeting an RPCV who ET'ed after a year in Namibia. She had ET'ed for various reasons, that at the time I thought were pretty lame. But now, her reasons seem concrete as hell, and better than anything I would have to offer.
I guess what I am trying to say is that this had made me realize that maybe I should try to be less judgemental about things that I may not have that strong of a grasp on. I have always assumed that an intellectual comprehension/understanding would be enough to correctly analyze a situation and then come to a conclusion. I should probably revisit that assumption. I think my need to reach conclusions derive from a general need for clarity within my personality, which I know the world doesn't always provide.
But anyways, enough of this ''personal self growth.'' Ya know, I realize that in these last several posts, I'm just complaining about stuff, and I haven't really actually written much about my life here, so I will type up a future post specifically about my living conditions and whatnot.
I had many other rageful things (I even have a list) that I wanted to cover, but for some reason, that personal insight has unfortunately put me in a better mood. So, I guess I will have to wait on them, but I am sure I will have more bad days coming and I can cover them then.
UPDATE: I actually wrote the above part of this post by longhand this morning and now it is the afternoon and I am typing it into the computer. And I can assure you that the bad mood has now returned, thanks to an encounter with my neighbors at lunch. But, I think my quasi-counterpart is coming back from lunch soon, so I won't get into
it now.
Hey, one last thing about a secondary project that I was thinking about doing. If anyone reading this has any connections to national U.S. feminist groups (like a staffer who works in one) and you think that the U.S. group might have international connections (basically, I am trying to get in touch with Portuguese feminist groups) could you shoot me an email? Thanks a lot.
But really, despite the fact that on most days, I think about ET'ing when I get up, when I go to work, when I go back home, when I am sitting around and when I go to bed, I've also made the decision that I am going to stick it out until at least IST. From what I've been able to gather, all of these thoughts and emotions I'm having are par for the course for some people when arriving at site. There is just always that gap between knowing something and feeling it (more on that below). But yeah, I know it's really too soon to tell how my time is going to be here, and that I shouldn't judge my next two years based on my previous week.
I remember one day in PST talking with Sugarlips (have I already told this story?), about how embarrassed I would be to ET during Training, or anytime before my first year at site. My view on that has now radically changed and if I ever did ET, it's not the embarrassment, but the misery that would get to me. There was this show on CTV last night from the U.S., and it was able these people in upstate NY who wind sail on frozen lakes. Is that I have to look forward to if I went back?
I actually learned a lot about boredom and things that I generally consider to be culturally superfluous, during PST in Sao Dao when the power was out. Cause it can get BORING. In ways almost unexplainable. I understand how filling the time with stuff, be it crappy TV or pointless pursuits, is better than sitting around doing nothing. This is one of those things I appreciated on an intellectual level, but it really hit home once I experienced it.
As a random side note, I've always separated the idea of being able to intellectually understand/comprehend something, and being able to comprehend/understand something through experience. In my mind, they are separate, but equal ways of gaining knowledge of the world. But now, I'm starting to wonder if experience has a slight edge over the intellectual understanding/comprehending. When I was applying to PC, I
had all these romantic notions about what this kind of lifestyle would be, and how I would handle it and adapt to it. I remember meeting an RPCV who ET'ed after a year in Namibia. She had ET'ed for various reasons, that at the time I thought were pretty lame. But now, her reasons seem concrete as hell, and better than anything I would have to offer.
I guess what I am trying to say is that this had made me realize that maybe I should try to be less judgemental about things that I may not have that strong of a grasp on. I have always assumed that an intellectual comprehension/understanding would be enough to correctly analyze a situation and then come to a conclusion. I should probably revisit that assumption. I think my need to reach conclusions derive from a general need for clarity within my personality, which I know the world doesn't always provide.
But anyways, enough of this ''personal self growth.'' Ya know, I realize that in these last several posts, I'm just complaining about stuff, and I haven't really actually written much about my life here, so I will type up a future post specifically about my living conditions and whatnot.
I had many other rageful things (I even have a list) that I wanted to cover, but for some reason, that personal insight has unfortunately put me in a better mood. So, I guess I will have to wait on them, but I am sure I will have more bad days coming and I can cover them then.
UPDATE: I actually wrote the above part of this post by longhand this morning and now it is the afternoon and I am typing it into the computer. And I can assure you that the bad mood has now returned, thanks to an encounter with my neighbors at lunch. But, I think my quasi-counterpart is coming back from lunch soon, so I won't get into
it now.
Hey, one last thing about a secondary project that I was thinking about doing. If anyone reading this has any connections to national U.S. feminist groups (like a staffer who works in one) and you think that the U.S. group might have international connections (basically, I am trying to get in touch with Portuguese feminist groups) could you shoot me an email? Thanks a lot.
posted by jende turtle at 10:59 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home